1
00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:08,007
[ mysterious theme playing ]

2
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:13,709
ROOFIE: How you persevering?
KEVIN: Oh, my God.

3
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:17,104
My head feels like
a dark, dank cave.

4
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:20,281
And there's a teeny
tiny construction worker

5
00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:23,414
jackhammering on
a never-ending loop.

6
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:25,547
Okay. What'd you
get into last night?

7
00:00:25,590 --> 00:00:30,073
I think I took a road trip
to Mexico with Tinya.

8
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,119
Ate some chicharrónes,
drank some tequila.

9
00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:34,077
Finished up the night
with a donkey show.

10
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,514
Mexico's about
2,000 miles away.
Yeah.

11
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,168
And who the hell
is Tinya?

12
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:39,604
[ speaks Spanish ]

13
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,041
Can I get you guys
anything else?

14
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:43,434
What? We-- We haven't
even ordered yet.

15
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:45,088
Oh, God. Sorry.

16
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:48,091
I'm, like, really hungover.That's my thing.

17
00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:50,615
No, this is not how I'm going
to spend my Wednesday morning.

18
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:52,530
You two, y'all need
to level out,

19
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,837
because I'm gonna get you
an alcoholic beverage.

20
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,318
I'm gonna have one too
so I won't be the only one
not drinking.

21
00:00:57,361 --> 00:01:00,582
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary,
Bloody Mary.

22
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,584
[ groans ]

23
00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:04,194
What's with the lights
in here?

24
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:08,981
You gonna ralph, Macchio?

25
00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,244
No, I just, uh...

26
00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:15,118
Mary?

27
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:16,989
Kevin?

28
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:22,386
[ rock theme playing ]

29
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,425
YOUNG KEVIN:
So, uh, what exactly
is this again?

30
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,427
BOY:
You're supposed to be able
to talk to ghosts.

31
00:02:03,471 --> 00:02:05,168
I'm not supposed to say.

32
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,387
Yeah, right.

33
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,301
We're gonna summon
Bloody Mary.

34
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:09,738
Sounds scary.

35
00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,566
She was buried alive
a hundred years ago.

36
00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:13,176
If you say her name
three times,

37
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:16,310
she appears in the mirror
and claws your eyes out.

38
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,050
How's that for scary?

39
00:02:18,094 --> 00:02:20,270
That's fine.
I'm just happy
to be included.

40
00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,229
Okay. She only comes out
on Halloween,

41
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:24,274
and it's almost midnight.
Ready?

42
00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:29,323
BOTH:
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary,
Bloody Mary.

43
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:30,628
[ thunder crashes ]

44
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,204
Man, I knew
this was nonsense.

45
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:42,945
Right?

46
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,599
Yeah-- Yeah.

47
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,209
I'm out of here.

48
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,993
Better not tell anyone
I let you hang out with me,

49
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,821
shit-eater.

50
00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,913
You can see me,
can't you?

51
00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,482
But you're not afraid
of me, are you?

52
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,443
How come you won't
look me in the eye?

53
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,274
Oh!

54
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,927
Bloody Jes--

55
00:03:08,971 --> 00:03:12,017
Bloody Jesus. I'm sorry.
That is so embarrassing.

56
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,454
Something's happening.

57
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,978
MARY: What?I'm becoming a statue.

58
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:17,675
Oh. Oh, my God, no.

59
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,677
That is completely natural.
You're--

60
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,157
You're just having
an erection.

61
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,551
Have you never
had one before?

62
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,162
Um...

63
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,948
Let's...

64
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:31,515
Let's have a talk.

65
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,039
KEVIN: 
I can't believe I'm seeing you 
right now.

66
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,432
You've come a long way
from that little boy

67
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:37,042
I used to hang out with
every Halloween.

68
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:38,566
Feeling pretty rough today,
I got to be honest.

69
00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,307
But thanks, thanks.

70
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:43,310
Come on. I'm sure the girls are,
like, beating down your door.

71
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:45,529
You know-- I've been--

72
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,923
Yeah, I've been sort of
dating this one girl, Camomile.

73
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,968
She's, uh, kind of
playing hard to get,

74
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:52,406
so in turn I've been playing
harder to get.

75
00:03:52,449 --> 00:03:54,799
You know, and now we're
at a point where we're both

76
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:56,279
just a little too hard
for each other.

77
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,238
And it's very unclear whether
either one of us

78
00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:00,544
will ever be gotten.

79
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,546
Well, I think you're a catch.

80
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,461
Thanks.

81
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:11,076
Welcome back to our spooky
Halloween special.

82
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,643
[ audience applauds ]I'm here once again

83
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:16,343
with celebrated paranormal
communicator, Camomile White.

84
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:17,909
It is such a pleasure
to have you back.

85
00:04:17,952 --> 00:04:19,346
Thank you, Wesley.

86
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,043
Let's take a call.
Caller, are you there?

87
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,611
GIRL [ over phone ] 
Hi, Wesley. Hi, Camomile.

88
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,830
 So I was planning 
on spending Halloween

89
00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:27,310
 down at the parade 
in the Village,

90
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,704
 but I wasn't sure 
if it was safe.

91
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,359
 I guess my question is, 
do you foresee

92
00:04:32,402 --> 00:04:34,839
 any sort of tragedy?

93
00:04:38,669 --> 00:04:40,758
I see the parade.

94
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,543
Big crowd.

95
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:44,893
Lots of fun.
Lots of...

96
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:49,332
Wait, there's--
There's something else.

97
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,203
[ audience murmurs ][ shushing ]

98
00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:52,466
No.

99
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,511
It's okay.

100
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,557
It's just dancing.

101
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,081
Oh!Fear not, dear caller.

102
00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:02,127
I predict nothing but fun
for you tonight.

103
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,651
[ laughs ]

104
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,087
That's fantastic!

105
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,523
Enjoy.

106
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:09,483
GIRL: 
Sorry, just-- 
The reason I ask

107
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:12,312
 is because I'm slightly 
clairvoyant myself.

108
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:16,359
 And last night I had 
this terrible vision.

109
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:17,752
 It was in the middle 
of the parade route,

110
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:20,363
 right around Waverly Place.

111
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:23,627
 People were burning, 
screaming.

112
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,021
Oh. Um...
[ clears throat ]

113
00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,544
Miss White, uh...

114
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:28,980
[ laughs ]

115
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,114
...is there any chance
that you could be mistaken?

116
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,204
[ inhaling deeply ]

117
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,814
[ shushing ]

118
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,903
[ exhaling ]

119
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:42,516
I stand by
my earlier prediction.

120
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:47,303
No one will be set on fire
at this year's Halloween parade.

121
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,435
[ applause ]

122
00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,437
Camomile White,
ladies and gentlemen.

123
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,482
This is why the world
loves you.

124
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:53,875
CAMOMILE: 
I should set you on fire.

125
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,355
You were supposed to be
monitoring the phone calls.

126
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,313
I don't understand.
They loved you.

127
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,880
I just went on national TV

128
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:01,404
and confidently predicted
that in a New York City parade

129
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,406
that attracts over 50,000
weirdoes a year,

130
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,757
nobody was going to be
set on fire.

131
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,455
What if something happens?

132
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,413
What-- What if it's
some kind of setup?

133
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,459
Do you know how that
would look for me.

134
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:13,721
For my career?

135
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,505
Boom! Up in flames.

136
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:17,725
I'm so sorry.
What can I do to fix it?

137
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,205
We'll just have to go
to the parade,

138
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,424
check out Waverly Place,

139
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,992
make sure nobody
gets lit on fire.

140
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,820
But what if someone does
get set on fire?

141
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:29,127
Then we'll just have
to extinguish them

142
00:06:29,171 --> 00:06:33,044
before anybody notices,
won't we, Sue?!

143
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,486
KEVIN:
I think she was hitting on me,
Roofie.

144
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,401
ROOFIE: What makes you say that?
KEVIN: I don't know.

145
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:44,839
She kept asking who I was dating
and paying me compliments.

146
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:46,536
Like, she didn't have
to do that.

147
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:48,016
Wait, where did you meet
this bitch anyway?

148
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:50,497
We met randomly in this basement
mirror when I was a kid.

149
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:54,501
You know, she was so hot.
I had this super-mega
crush on her.

150
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,242
Sometimes I'd even have wet
nightmares about her.

151
00:06:57,286 --> 00:06:59,767
But all she ever saw me as
was a little kid.

152
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:01,508
That's it.

153
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:02,596
What?
It's the babysitter
conundrum.

154
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:03,901
You found a loophole.

155
00:07:03,945 --> 00:07:05,512
What's the babysitter
"condrumdrum"?

156
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,862
Look, it's when a boy
has a crush on his babysitter.

157
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:09,516
But he's too young for her.

158
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:11,474
When he finally gets old enough
where age doesn't matter to her,

159
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:14,042
she's too old for him.

160
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:15,260
But in this case,
you know,

161
00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:17,088
Bloody Mary's a ghost.
She doesn't age.

162
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,481
So you guys caught up.

163
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,048
It's like fate, man.

164
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,615
By this point,
I'm like a full

165
00:07:21,658 --> 00:07:23,704
presidential term older
than her, though.

166
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,140
What are these for,
by the way?

167
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:26,576
You don't need
to worry about this.

168
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,534
You need to worry
about getting on

169
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,318
that Slutty Mary's
pa-chank.

170
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:31,494
How am I gonna do that?You know, I don't know.

171
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:34,018
Be romantic. Find something
from your past together.

172
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:49,251
"Herro"?

173
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:51,079
Ah-- Oh.

174
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,123
Hi.

175
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:54,082
"Herro."

176
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,040
Can I help you?

177
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,433
Sister Brothers.

178
00:07:58,652 --> 00:08:00,001
Hi, I-- I, uh--

179
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:02,307
I grew up here. I live--
I mean, I was an orphan.

180
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:04,527
I grew up in the orphanage.
My name is Kevin.

181
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:05,833
Kevin Pacalioglu.

182
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,052
Oh, shit-eater.

183
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,185
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, what's that?

184
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:11,621
Oh.
[ laughs ]

185
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:13,144
I, uh--
I just stopped in

186
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:15,538
because I wanted to ask you
a question about a mirror.

187
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:18,280
A really special mirror that
used to be in the basement here.

188
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:19,847
Uh, a friend of mine
really loved it.

189
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:23,372
A friend whose pa-chank I'm
desperately trying to beat up,

190
00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:24,634
if you will.
Oh.

191
00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:26,506
I was wondering
if I could purchase,

192
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:29,552
perchance borrow it,
off of you.

193
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,206
Borrow it off of me?Yeah, borrow it--

194
00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:33,164
Where's your English?Borrow it...

195
00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:34,557
From me.
...for you--
Off of you.

196
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,558
You want to borrow a mirror?Can I borrow the mirror?

197
00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:39,909
You're the one who could
talk to spirits, aren't you?

198
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,563
I'm not really
supposed to say.

199
00:08:41,607 --> 00:08:43,957
No. Well, come with me.

200
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,916
There's something I want you
to take a look at.

201
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,314
Oh, wow.

202
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:54,403
They really spruced up
the place, huh?

203
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:56,448
Did the state step in
or something?

204
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:58,538
All right, Kevin,
listen to me.

205
00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,584
There have been some
incidents recently.

206
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,803
Ah.

207
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:03,891
Kids getting hurt

208
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,458
in horrible
and inexplicable ways.

209
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,112
Now, I can't be sure,

210
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:12,726
but I believe there's
an evil spirit present.

211
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:16,251
Now, if you can get rid
of this demon,

212
00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:19,297
you can have that mirror
for free.

213
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:21,256
You got yourself a deal,
Sister.

214
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:23,563
Good luck, and I'll come back
to you later.

215
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:24,781
Okay, thank you,
Sister Brothers.

216
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,719
Whoa.

217
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:51,765
Why don't you go play
somewhere else?

218
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:53,941
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not right under
a teeter-totter.

219
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,597
[ bleep ] me on a cross.

220
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,081
You're not so bad.

221
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:05,343
Look at you.

222
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:07,694
Ow! Fart!

223
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,521
[ groans ]

224
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:11,045
All right, listen,
you little creep.

225
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,699
Uh, let's get down
to unfinished business.

226
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,223
I'm kind of in a rush.[ snarling ]

227
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:17,138
All right, look,
I want to help you.
I really do.

228
00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:19,053
But you have
to tell me how,
all right?

229
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:20,620
I'm not a mind-reader.
I'm a medium.

230
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:22,404
[ snarling]

231
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,667
I get that reaction a lot,
actually.

232
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,147
Uh, why don't we start
over again?

233
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,802
Here, all right?
Here, look at this.

234
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,020
Look at this flower.

235
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:32,588
[ growls ]

236
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,416
And you've ruined it
with your mind.

237
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:35,809
That's lovely.

238
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,681
What have you found?

239
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,857
Well, uh, I think
I found your spirit.

240
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:43,817
It appears he does have
an evil ghost orphan child,

241
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,080
which is like the worst
kind of ghost,

242
00:10:46,123 --> 00:10:47,647
and also the worst
kind of child.

243
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,170
She refuses
to talk to me,

244
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,693
so I have no idea
how to help her.

245
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,086
Well, if you want
that special mirror,

246
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,523
you have to deal with that
ghost child first.

247
00:10:54,566 --> 00:10:55,524
Please, Sister Brothers.

248
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:56,786
I need that mirror
by midnight.

249
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,614
Well, then you'd better
get back in there.

250
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:02,618
Get busy. Remember, idle hands
are the devil's playground.

251
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,664
No, this is the devil's
playground.

252
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,056
Oh, go on now.

253
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,540
[ inaudible ]

254
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:17,720
Okay, so welcome
to my apartment.
Come on in.

255
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,244
[ speaking indistinctly ]

256
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,203
No, Blob. I can't take you
for a float right now.

257
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,422
Why?Because I have company.

258
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:25,815
I don't have to explain
myself to you.

259
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,688
[ snarling ]Guys, guys. Come on.

260
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,385
Hey, that's the last thing
I need right now.

261
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,126
Okay?

262
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,780
Stop. Go get in your box.

263
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:38,480
Okay, so can you tell me
your name at least?

264
00:11:39,786 --> 00:11:41,396
No. Okay.
What if I guess your name?

265
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:43,485
If I guess your name
will you nod?

266
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:44,878
You'll nod.
Good, great.

267
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,488
I'm just gonna, like, rattle off
a bunch of girl names,

268
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,316
and if I happen to get it,
you stop me.

269
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:49,534
All right?
So here we go.

270
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:52,712
Uh, Amber, Rachel, Jen--

271
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:53,843
What?

272
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:55,976
What-- Rachel?

273
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:58,718
Uh, Amber?

274
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,371
It was the first one?

275
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:01,721
I got it on the first shot.

276
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,940
[ laughs ]
What are the odds of that?

277
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,942
[ train clanging ]

278
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,860
I think it looks good.

279
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,776
Boy, is it hot in here
or is it just--?

280
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:14,734
Whoa!

281
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:17,084
What the hell
is going on here?

282
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:19,390
You told me to get you
the authentic one,

283
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,741
and to just buy
the cheapest one for myself.

284
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:25,657
This and this
worries me.

285
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:28,660
It's October outside.
It's freezing cold.

286
00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:30,271
I can't have my assistant
getting sick.

287
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:33,361
You know what? You're going
to have to wear mine.

288
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:39,280
See? This is so much better.

289
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,847
I look amazing.

290
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,544
And you still look sexy.

291
00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:43,893
Yeah, actually,
I kind of do,

292
00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:46,069
just in like a masculine
kind of way.

293
00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,422
So here's the backstory.

294
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,773
I am a sexy,
heroic firefighter,

295
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:56,906
and you are a burn victim.I don't get it.

296
00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,603
Wasn't the whole point
of a fireman costume

297
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,910
to justify the fire
extinguishers?

298
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:02,825
You know, the ones we'll need
in order to put out any fires

299
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:03,957
at the parade?

300
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,959
The plan is constantly
evolving, Sue.

301
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:07,743
It's alive. It's fluid.

302
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,876
Try and keep up, okay?[ doorbell rings ]

303
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:11,660
MAN:
Trick or treat.

304
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,230
Well, it's
about bloody time.

305
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,189
[ snaps fingers ]

306
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,238
Miss White, are you sure
it's wise to be on drugs

307
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,935
during this operation?

308
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:28,285
These are just a little
something to help me focus.

309
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:31,549
What are you looking at,
you little demon?

310
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:32,986
Out.

311
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,466
Now call the car around.
We don't want to be late.

312
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,642
I love Halloween.

313
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,560
KEVIN:
Sugar? Hmm.

314
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:45,694
The finer things, huh?

315
00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:48,349
There we go.

316
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:50,307
Ooh, uh, how about a scone?

317
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:53,136
I only got one, but I thought
maybe we could split it.

318
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:55,965
Let me get my steak knife.

319
00:13:56,009 --> 00:13:57,053
I call her Steak Knively.

320
00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:58,533
[ laughs ]

321
00:13:58,576 --> 00:13:59,882
Uh, I'm just gonna
cut it in half.

322
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,753
Oh, it's a little hard.
Not stale.

323
00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,843
These day-olds are just
a little cheaper.

324
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:05,148
And, uh, they taste
the same

325
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,976
if you microwave them
for about 15 seconds.

326
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,717
Look, I can't--
I can't do this.

327
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,762
This is a two-way street, okay?
You got to communicate with me.

328
00:14:10,806 --> 00:14:12,503
I can't help you if you don't
tell me what you want.

329
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,723
Come on, man.
Help me out here.

330
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,899
I need that mirror
so I can impress
Bloody Mary.

331
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:18,379
She only comes out
on Halloween,

332
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,903
and sweet baby Lucifer,
Halloween is almost over.

333
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,731
So just tell me.

334
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:29,172
You want a psychic reading?
No, that's Camomile White.

335
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:33,394
She is a super-psycho
hot B-I-T-C-H that
I dated for a while.

336
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,917
And I don't really want
to talk about it anymore.

337
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,397
So why don't you just
mind your own business

338
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,269
and drink your chamomile tea
white now.

339
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:43,056
What are you doing?

340
00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:45,928
No. No.

341
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,364
You're my nightmare.

342
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:49,062
Let me get
my cleaning supplies.

343
00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,979
Why did I have to make
imaginary black tea?

344
00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:54,241
You're all hopped up
and acting crazy.

345
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:57,374
[ imitating spritzing sound ]

346
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,507
So-- Amber?

347
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,946
Steak Knively?

348
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:18,134
What up, Tyson?
How we doing tonight?

349
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:19,440
[ laughs ]

350
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,224
[ cell phone rings ]

351
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,486
Yo, what up?

352
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:24,097
Hey, Roofie,
it's me, man.

353
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:26,186
I'm freaking out. I'm in crisis
zone here. I lost my ghost.

354
00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:28,014
And she's an evil 
little demon baby.

355
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:31,147
She got Steak Knively with her,
and she means to do great harm.

356
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:34,063
Calm down, calm down. Where was
the last place you seen her?

357
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:37,980
She was here. We were having
a lovely tea party on the floor.

358
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,460
All right,
what was she doing?

359
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:42,985
Uh, she was looking
at this magazine here.

360
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,508
Oh, my word.

361
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:47,990
Roofie, where do you think
Camomile White is right now?

362
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:50,384
Look, how the hell am I supposed
to know where Camomile White is

363
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:51,776
on Halloween?

364
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,213
 Come on, man.
That's like asking

365
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,432
where Kid Rock is on
the 4th of July. I don't know.

366
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:56,738
Pick a Hooters.

367
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,522
[ laughs ]
I'm serious.

368
00:15:58,566 --> 00:15:59,697
Hey, Roof.What up, what up?

369
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,351
I think I know

370
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,440
where that Camomile White bitch
is right now.

371
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,095
You deep in this,
aren't you?

372
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:16,192
This is absolute madness!
It's not working!

373
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:17,759
Maybe we should split up!

374
00:16:17,802 --> 00:16:18,934
We should split up!

375
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,502
You go that way
and I'll go this way.

376
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,286
Keep phone on!

377
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,049
Oh! Hey, hey, hey.

378
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:48,833
Give me this.
Give-- Get in there.

379
00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,531
What is this? What are you,
kidding me with this?

380
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:53,229
You can't just wander around
decapitating people willy-nilly.

381
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,144
That's not what you do.
Bad!

382
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,059
Bad ghost child.[ snarls ]

383
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,713
Who taught you how to carry
a sharp knife anyway, huh?

384
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,584
You don't just carry it
down like this.

385
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,760
You carry it with the blade up.
That way if you fall,

386
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,066
you kill yourself instantly.

387
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:06,068
Common sense. God.

388
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,069
And since we're
getting to know

389
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,114
Steak Knively
so well anyway...

390
00:17:08,156 --> 00:17:11,160
flip her upside down.

391
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,118
Lighter-meiser.

392
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:15,598
You. What the hell
are you doing here?

393
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,036
[ stammering ]
Nothing.

394
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,906
Uh, just-- Oh, my fingertips
are, like, freezing.

395
00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,430
Oh, my God.

396
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,085
It was you.
What?

397
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:25,740
I should have known.You should have known what?

398
00:17:25,782 --> 00:17:27,959
You were going to come to the
parade and set yourself on fire

399
00:17:28,002 --> 00:17:30,179
just to make me look bad.No.

400
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,703
Madam, I assure you
I hatched no such scheme.

401
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,096
Right. I'm phoning
the police.

402
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,358
Don't phone the police.

403
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:39,101
Don't call the cops.
It-- It was me.

404
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,189
What?

405
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:41,669
I was the caller
on the talk show.

406
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,628
I had never been to the
Greenwich Village parade before.

407
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,717
I've always wanted to go,
but you always made me stay home

408
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,110
so you could watch me
eat candy.

409
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:52,158
You are going to eat
so much candy right now.

410
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:56,640
And you're going
to swallow all of it.

411
00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:59,165
Oh, my God.
I'm so turned on right now.

412
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,080
Why did you-- Why did you just
save me like that?

413
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,907
CAMOMILE:
Come on, Sue! Right bloody now!

414
00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:04,170
I have to go.

415
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:05,388
When she starts in
with the "bloody's",

416
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:07,086
I know she's really upset.

417
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,348
No, you don't have to do
everything she says.

418
00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:09,958
Oh...

419
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:11,568
Those two.

420
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,788
You'd think they were
bloody married, huh?

421
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:17,183
Oh, Bloody Mary. Oh, my God,
it's almost midnight.

422
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,315
You fudged me, didn't you,
you little planned fudger.

423
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,447
Now I'm going to have
to just use

424
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,492
whatever stinking mirror
is closest.

425
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,755
Ah. Come on.

426
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:29,108
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary,
Bloody Mary.

427
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:30,370
Kevin?

428
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,632
Hey.
Hi.

429
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:33,590
Hi.
Are we
in a Porta Potty?

430
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,810
Yeah, I know. I wanted to do
something more romantic

431
00:18:35,853 --> 00:18:38,465
and find the mirror from the
orphanage where we first met.

432
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,336
Uh, but I didn't have
any time.

433
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,685
And I've been thinking a lot

434
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:43,165
about the babysitter
"condrumdrum."

435
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,601
And I think Roofie
was right.

436
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,908
We beat this thing.
We can finally be together.

437
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,170
Like BF and GF.

438
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,476
Uh, what?

439
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:50,868
Well, you know, I haven't given
a ton of thought

440
00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:55,177
to how the physical, uh,
intimate stuff would work.

441
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,614
Okay, Kevin.
That's enough.

442
00:18:57,658 --> 00:19:00,182
Um, we can't be together.

443
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,010
We can't...what--
What do you mean?

444
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:03,185
Why?

445
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:04,708
[ exhaling ]

446
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:09,278
I always saw you
as like a son.

447
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:12,542
Oh, my God.

448
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,457
Oh, my God.
I'm an idiot.

449
00:19:14,501 --> 00:19:16,807
No, you're not.
The thing is,

450
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,158
I always wanted
to be a mother.

451
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,029
I could just never
have kids of my own.

452
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,073
But then I met you,

453
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,293
and you were this sweet
little boy

454
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:26,556
who not only clearly
needed a mother,

455
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,603
but could also see ghosts.

456
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,258
I thought it was perfect.

457
00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:33,781
I don't know
what to say, Mary, I--

458
00:19:33,824 --> 00:19:35,870
I bungled our entire
relationship.

459
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:39,352
You were never really good with
picking up the nonverbal cues.

460
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,397
No, not really.

461
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,796
You weren't trying to kill
Camomile, were you?

462
00:19:53,366 --> 00:19:55,063
A mother.

463
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:57,587
All right, come on.

464
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,285
I want to show you something.
Come here.

465
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:00,938
[ door closes ]

466
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,898
Uh, Mary?

467
00:20:03,941 --> 00:20:05,900
This is Amber.
Amber, this is Mary.

468
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:07,858
Hi.

469
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,251
Oh, my.

470
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:11,427
That doesn't look
very uninfected.

471
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:13,734
Can I take a look?

472
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:19,305
I think I can help you.

473
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,654
What do you say, Kevin?

474
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,395
Would that be all right?

475
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,483
Yeah.

476
00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:24,614
[ laughs ]

477
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:32,492
[ sighs ]

478
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:38,411
[ knock on door ]

479
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,282
Someone's in here.

480
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,243
You want
a peanut butter cup?
No.

481
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:45,896
I'm going to stick
with the corn.

482
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,768
Trying to be at least
a little healthy, you know?

483
00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:49,291
Yeah, that's smart.

484
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,293
How'd that thing work out
with you and Bloody Mary?

485
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:52,338
Really, really badly.

486
00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:54,427
I completely misread
that situation.

487
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:55,732
That's okay, though.
I'm going to go back

488
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,343
to obsessing
over Camomile White.

489
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:59,301
One good decision
with you after another.

490
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,390
Yeah, man. You know,
and I base my decision

491
00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:03,262
on the fact
that Camomile White exists

492
00:21:03,305 --> 00:21:04,350
for more than one day
out of the year.

493
00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:05,916
So it increases my odds.

494
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,137
Right. Let's--
Let's-- Let's hope so.

495
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,705
Yeah. Optimism.

496
00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:13,359
ROOFIE:
You know those are weed
candy corns.

497
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,273
KEVIN:
These are weed candy corns?

498
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:16,318
[ Kevin laughs ]

499
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:17,798
ROOFIE:
Yeah, you're gonna be high.

500
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,411
[ mysterious theme playing ]